When you’ve just concluded a really, really big fight with your spouse, you tend to think that everything is going downhill and all is hopeless. Maybe you might be in the throes of divorce. When the going gets tough for both of you, saving your marriage might be the last thing on your mind.

What couples often lack in their marriage is good communication skills, and because many couples have not really learned how to communicate well with each other, their marriages go down the drain. Below are some important points in communication that couples should take to heart in order to save the marriage relationship.

Communicate respectfully.

Older married couples often testify that if the romance has gone, respect for each other will keep the marriage alive. That is true in a certain sense (yet it is unfortunate that romance and affection have gone out the window). It is important to communicate in a way that respects your spouse. Sarcasm, brashness, being condescending and accusatory should not be tolerated in your communication.

Communicate honestly.

Truth and trust form the basis for continued communication. When you continually lie, you slowly erode whatever trust your partner has have for you.

Communicate a lot.

This is logical. The more you engage in talk with your family members and especially with your spouse, the more there are opportunities for quality communication. It is constructive to multitask and talk at every opportunity.

Communicate intuitively.

A person’s ideas, thoughts, and messages are not completely conveyed by verbal communication. It can also take the form of body language. In order to have good communication with your spouse, be sensitive to non-verbal cues given by your partner. Learning to watch for cues and listening to what’s not being said will make communication more harmonious.

Let your partner communicate too.

Of course, how can there be good communication without good listening? It pays to listen more than to dominate a conversation.

Again, not only is communication the key to saving a marriage, but proper communication is what couples should be aiming at.

Marriage is a union of two persons -a man and a woman – who have made a lifelong vow and commitment to each other to live together as husband and wife in lawful wedlock. Marriage therefore is companionship and it was created by God primarily for that purpose. Hence, the other reasons for marriage arose as secondary factors.

In a marriage, friendship and intimacy are the cords which keep the fire of love burning but these are enhanced through effective communication. There are eight major problem areas in marriage and communication is one of them.

Communication in marriage is not just talking for the sake of it but to talk to, and listen to the other with rapt attention and to respond appropriately. Communication does not take place when a partner dominates the conversation. Therefore effective communication is a two way affair. In simple terms, communication is the exchange of information between two or more persons in a relationship. In a marriage, the couple should strive to always ensure that there is a constant exchange of information between them.

To be able to communicate is to make out time to talk to each other, sharing views on issues and life in general. It involves sharing emotions: fears, joys, frustrations, achievements, victories, challenges and disappointments.

Communication enhances transparency by being each other’s best friend, hiding nothing from each other. Transparency in communication reveals one’s mind and intentions to the other which helps to eliminate assumptions and suspicions. It also will promote unity in voice, actions, direction otherwise the relationship may be pulled in opposite directions toward fragmentation and eventual disintegration.

For communication to be effective, the following are essential:

- There should be no criticism of the other partner. Correction should be done by use of positive and not negative words. Criticism builds resentment and malice and may compel the other partner to withdraw into a shell and refuse to communicate anymore. Then little and inconsequential issues will build up in the heart against the other, to explode into a fireball when the heart can no longer contain them.

Some of the negative expressions to be avoided are:

You are never serious!
You are never ready!
Go to hell!
I regret marrying you!
Can’t you be like Mr. Jones?

Expressions like this will always confer a negative verdict on the person. Therefore, correction should be done, preceded with complimentary words while harsh words and abusive words should be avoided like a plague. So while communicating, be careful how you communicate what you have to say and be careful when you communicate what you have to say.

- A partner should not be self-centered but should forget about himself and try to listen to the other’s opinion and point of view. This is one of the ingredients of love in marriage. The focus of love is on the welfare of the other (the beloved) rather than the lover.

- A partner in marriage should avoid shouting at the other, insulting the other and arguing to win over the other. Keeping quiet and refusing to talk to the other or to respond to what the other is saying should be avoided.

- A partner should say good things about his spouse such as ” I love you, you are sweet”.
Confess positive statements about the marriage such as ” I am enjoying this marriage with you.” The couple should express their love to each other verbally.

- A partner should let the other party know what he likes or does not like. Do not assume that he/she knows because he/she is not a mind reader. Express likes and dislikes in clear and unambiguous language.